Confessions at the Pearly (Bill?) Gates

He declared in the Holy Book that sno-cones only exist properly in the realm of Heaven

Where they are sold for fifty dollars apiece.
There, the sno-cones never run out of juice,
Never leave you with only ice
Which will later give you either a lot of water or a brain freeze
Depending on your personality.
This anti-gravitational sno-cone, Revelations reads,
Will be accompanied by other things:
Rock concerts, for example, on alternate Tuesdays
Concert prices have inflated; they’re flying Jim Morrison in from Hell
And it’s costing them what Saint Peter calls
“A fuckload of money.”
Tickets cost about a thousand each, due to the tension between Our Heavenly Father
And Morrison’s new manager.
I know all the cynics in this room are probably resolving never again to speak to me
Atheism is a virtue when you deal in human nature
As well as an absolute necessity.
God hasn’t solved the problems of government yet, either,
It’s interesting to note.
Communism in heaven isn’t as good as it sounds
But capitalism belongs where it lies burning in Hell
Not for its own sins, of course.
It burns, is martyred, as Greed flits around on heavenly wings,
Whispering to saints and sinners alike with a serpent’s tongue and a model’s hips.


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